Dreams of Parent University

If there were a parent university, some things I would like them to teach, so I would not have to learn the hard way.

1. What to do when you know someone else's kid is doing something that they should not be doing. Problem: if you take the risk to tell the parent, even if it is your friend, they will be angry at you, no matter how you do it. Some people live in denial, alas, or they think you are being holier-than-thou or they think you are judging their kid.

2. What to do when you find out that your own kid is doing something inappropriate, but you cannot reveal your source.

• The counselor says you cannot tell your kid, for ex, that someone at school said they are bullying someone else. Your kid deserves to know whether it is malicious gossip or from a reliable source.
• If you find out your kid is doing something inappropriate at school, and you want the school to do something about it for consequences, the school cannot confront the kid unless you reveal your source, so that the school can tell the kid what the allegation is.

3. How to interpret adolescent emotions.......are they warning signs or are they just typical behavior for the age group.

4. How to avoid "trying to be your child's friend" while simultaneously maintaining a relationship with them with an open channel of communication.

5. When to intervene and when to let your child learn the hard way.

6. If they have some positive friends and some negative friends, how to avoid being autocratic about their social life while limiting their exposure to the negative friends.

7. [will update as needed.] 10/31/10

Miscellany

Random List.




1. I write a blog to cure my annoying habit of writing letters to the editor.


2. A good thing in my life is how much my siblings and I all love each other. It's really too good to be true.



3. I have a love/hate relationship with football spectatoring. I can't resist watching it, but I loathe the steroids and other enhancements. I can't stand it that QBs and WRs and RBs are called "skill players." I hope the dunces who use that lingo realize who makes them great -- it's the O Line, who by default are not called "skill" players. I love the circus catches and gadget plays and the times when defensive lineman intercept passes and lumber toward the goal line. My absolute recent fave was an NFL game when a RB was about to break the plane of the endzone. A defender hit him, and he did a front flip toward the endzone and nailed the landing for a TD.



4. Two of my favorite photographs: 1. Leonid Brezhnev, Soviet Premier, was lying in state after his death. His wife was photographed leaning over his body, looking at him in the eyes, as if she had not finished their last conversation, or had not started many of the conversations she missed the opportunity to have. 2. Joan Benoit was leading the women's marathon in the summer Olympics in the first time that the women's event was run separately from the men's. The announcers were commenting about the psychological difference in being the overall leader in a race compared to being the first woman in a combined event. A helicopter was following the race leaders since it was historic. Benoit came to a segment of the course that was very isolated, far from any fans or media, other than the copter that was very high above her. She had a substantial lead on other racers as she pressed forward, running her race physically and mentally, and in that isolated spot, she was even isolated from the other racers. The picture taken by the helicopter crew somehow captured her isolation, which made the point for me that you cannot run a race fueled by adulation; rather, in those unseen moments of conversation with yourself, you know that you must run the race fueled by your own constitution.



5. It is painful to admit when I have been influenced by Hollywood or Madison Avenue, because I see them as self-interested operators. Nevertheless, I confess that I was moved by "Saving Private Ryan." Seeing the reality of war, and knowing that my government could send my two sons to war, a switch flipped in my psyche that commanded me to be vigilant about my government and foreign policy.



6. I don't resent growing old, but it is a little bit hard to stomach how much daily maintenance one needs. Vitamins, meds, exercise (cardio, strength, balance, flexibility), planned nutrition/food, medical screens, and on and on. This is whining, so I apologize, but I am just surprised at the reality of all this. This line of thinking is a perfect example of when perception lags reality. Another way to look at it that I would just rather not spend all this time on myself because I have other things I'd rather be doing, and most of these involve doing things for other people, which makes me happier. It is just a darn shame to be a feeble mortal.



7. As a certified math and science geek, I have always loved science experiments or projects or any hands-on learning. For this reason, I love cooking because it feels like a science experiment. And leading scientists must replicate experiences of other scientists to corroborate original discoveries. This is tantamount to sharing a recipe. The best cooking fun comes from having the just-right gadgets for the job: a microplane, a cherry pitter, spring form pan, or gravy separator. Of course, the fun is tripled if someone else cleans up the mess, or, if the customers really like the work product. But untripled fun is acceptable for this auteur.

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